Completion
by Mikki13
Summary: Xander's marrying Anya, but is it the right thing? W/X. Complete!


DISCLAIMER: Chances are, if you're reading this story, you know they  
  
belong to Joss.  
  
DEDICATION: To Palaskar. I didn't cheat this time!  
  
A/N: POV switches between Xander and Willow for the entirety of the story. A/N2: This story was written in the summer of 2001. And please note: Don't bother flaming, because it will be ignored.  
  
XANDER  
  
Tomorrow is my wedding day. I'm getting married. Me. To a  
  
wonderful, wonderful woman. A woman who makes me feel like a man.  
  
And while that may seem like a trivial matter to a lot of people, it  
  
means the worl to me. All my life, I've felt inadequate. Like I  
  
didn't measure up. Ever since I can remember, my dad has told me how  
  
much of a loser I am. How disappointed he is that he got me as a  
  
son. And yet, tomorrow? Tomorrow he's gonna come to my wedding in a  
  
tux. I saw it in his closet, when I was helping my mom put some  
  
things away. My dad has never worn a tux. At least, not as far back  
  
as I can remember. And tomorrow he's going to. For me. Because of  
  
her. I know it's corny, but her love for me . . . well, it makes  
  
anything possible.  
  
Almost anything.  
  
Anything but one vital, life and death thing.  
  
Tomorrow I'm gonna stand at the head of a long aisle, family and  
  
friends watching my every move. I'm gonna recite my vows. Vows that  
  
include honoring, and cherishing, and loving her for the rest of my  
  
life. The sad thing is, I'm not going to mean them. Not completely,  
  
anyway. Because, as much as my head tells me that she's the woman I  
  
want to spend the rest of my life with, that her love for me is all  
  
I've ever needed . . . my heart tells me that my head is wrong.  
  
Because, as much as I've fought it all my life, there is only one  
  
woman whose love makes me complete.  
  
That woman is my best friend.  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
Sometimes it's weird how life works out. You think one thing's gonna  
  
happen, but instead something else entirely different occurs in its  
  
place. Like with me and Oz. Or Buffy and Angel. We were supposed  
  
to be together forever, kinda like Cinderella and Prince Charming.  
  
Of course, it wouldn't have been just like that, `cause Oz is a  
  
werewolf, and Angel is a vampire . . . oh, plus I'm a witch, and  
  
Buffy's a slayer. But it could have been pretty damned close! Or,  
  
it was supposed to.  
  
Now that I look back on it, I realize that Oz and I weren't meant to  
  
be. Don't get me wrong. I loved him. Loved him so much I almost  
  
became a vengeance demon after he left. I mean, he was my first.  
  
But it was kinduva kiddy thing, ya know. Like when you won't eat  
  
anything but Lucky Charms when you're a kid, but when you grow up you  
  
realize that it wasn't the right thing to do.  
  
I'm getting off track.  
  
I broke up with Tara two weeks ago. Or, she broke up with me. It was  
  
kind of a mutual breaking up thing. We just discovered that we were  
  
like that whole Lucky Charms analogy. She was what I needed at the  
  
time, and I was what she needed . . . but we've kind of grown up. In  
  
the sense that growing up is moving on, anyway. We'll always love  
  
each other, but we both want different things.  
  
Of course, my thing's kind of unattainable now . . .  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
I'm sitting alone in my room, doing nothin' but staring at a wall.  
  
It's funny how that wall has so many stories to tell. Liek the time  
  
Will and I snuck down to the basement and painted ourselves blue. We  
  
were on a Smurf's kick then. Or the time when we were 10, and we  
  
convinced my parents to let us spend the night in the basement.  
  
Only, we got so scared telling ghost stories that we nearly peed our  
  
pants. Or the time we hid down here when my parents were having a  
  
humongous fight. So bad the walls actually shook. That's kind of  
  
what I remember most of all. Actually, now that I think about it,  
  
there were a lot of times like that. She's always been there, you  
  
know? Despite all my years of stupid male blindness, and all the  
  
times I made her cry. Whenever I needed her, she was there. When my  
  
dad took his anger out on my face, or my mom drank too much to  
  
remember my name . . .  
  
God, listen to me! I'm getting married tomorrow and I'm thinking  
  
like I'm getting ready for my own funeral. Okay, I've got to cheer  
  
up. I'm going to spend the rest of my life with a wonderful, funny,  
  
saucy woman who loves me more than anything. Well, except maybe  
  
money. And I love her. I do. I really, really do. And we're gonna  
  
have a wonderful life together. So, okay, time to cheer up . . .  
  
. . . Any minute now . . .  
  
. . . Why isn't this working?  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
I look at the clock. Three AM. Funny, I can usually sleep straight  
  
until eight AM. It's just that, well, I have so many thoughts  
  
running through my head right now.  
  
He's getting married tomorrow. To her. I know she's nice. Well,  
  
now that she's not a vengeance demon, anyway. And that she loves  
  
him, and she treats him good and all that. I just . . . I can't help  
  
but think . . .  
  
I remember a time when I thought we would get married. I even  
  
remember asking him. We were walking home from the movies - I think  
  
we had just watched E.T. or something - and all I could think about  
  
was how much I loved having Xander for my friend. And how, in my  
  
seven-year old mind, I wanted to be with him for the rest of my  
  
life. So I put on my resolve face, and I looked him straight in the  
  
eye, and I asked him. He said yes. And now he's marrying her.  
  
Okay, I know we were seven, and we both have different lives now,  
  
but . . .  
  
When I asked him why he couldn't have noticed that smart girls were  
  
hot way back in the tenth grade . . . I wasn't just reminiscing. I  
  
know that now. A small part of me was hoping that . . .  
  
. . . That . . .  
  
. . . What am I thinking? I need to go back to sleep.  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
Okay, no longer staring at the wall that makes up my bedroom. I am  
  
now staring at the wall that greets people as they enter the church  
  
that is right now playing host to my wedding. I think I've been  
  
staring at it for awhile now, actually. I wonder why no one's  
  
notices me? Maybe if I sit here long enough . . .  
  
God, what am I doing? I can't do this. I can't sit here and . . . I  
  
woke up at three AM this morning, and couldn't get back to sleep.  
  
She was staying at Buffy's, and all I had to keep me company were my  
  
talking walls. Actually, it was kind of weird. I didn't really  
  
notice she was gone until quite awhile later. I had so many thoughts  
  
going through my head . . . and she didn't enter any of them. I  
  
don't think that's a good thing. Is it? I mean, seven hours before  
  
my wedding, and I don't once think of my bride.  
  
I was actually remembering the time that my dad had too much to  
  
drink. I was nine. He had too much to drink, and was angry about  
  
something . . . well, when I came home from school, he decided to  
  
take his anger out on me. I still remember the look in his eyes, and  
  
the sound it made when he gave me the black eye. Hand on my wound, I  
  
ran down to the basement to hide. And then she showed up. Didn't  
  
say anything, just came in with tears in her eyes. I guess . . .  
  
somehow, she had known. She just came into the basement, and hugged  
  
me, and held me . . . and loved me, while I lay in her arms and  
  
cried . . .  
  
. . . I can't do this. I can't - I can't stand at the head of that  
  
long aisle and tell lies in front of my family and friends. For once  
  
in my life, I'm gonna do the right thing.  
  
I turn the key in the ignition, and my car roars to life. Then, foot  
  
on the accelerator, I get out of there as quick as I can . . .  
  
leaving the church, and my dad in his tux, and the woman who makes me  
  
feel like a man behind.  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
I'm sitting here in the church, staring at the altar. It's kind of  
  
the one safe place to focus on right now. Okay, well, I guess that's  
  
a lie, but . . . every time I look at an actual person? I have  
  
flashbacks. Like when I look at Buffy. I remember the time when he  
  
used me to practice asking her out. And when I look at Giles? I  
  
remember the time he almost caught us making out. I know those  
  
things were kind of a long time ago, but the feelings of hope and  
  
desire . . . they're still so incredibly vivid. I kind of have to  
  
pinch myself to come back to reality. It's like, well . . . Every  
  
person is a memory, and every memory is . . .  
  
Gods! What am I doing? He's getting married today, and I'm acting  
  
like . . .  
  
I finally got back to sleep last night. It took me awhile, though.  
  
I kept thinking about today. I don't know why . . . okay, yeah,  
  
another lie, but . . . I think I'm gonna start pulling my hair out  
  
now.  
  
Wait a minute. Something's happening. People are getting up all  
  
around me, gathering in clumps. Buffy's and Giles' eyebrows have  
  
knitted together. Mrs. Harris is carrying on a hushed conversation  
  
with Anya and the priest in the back of the church. What's going on?  
  
Then I realize . . . Xander's over an hour late. I'd been so busy  
  
not looking at anyone that I hadn't noticed how much time had gone  
  
by. Suddenly, Mrs. Harris starts walking hesitantly toward the  
  
altar, giving her husband a trembling smile as she passes by.  
  
"Um, hello," she greets the crowd awkwardly. For once in her life,  
  
she is perfectly sober, and I can tell that she's regretting that  
  
decision as she stares out at her audience. Finally, after a moment,  
  
she clears her throat, and stutters through the rest of her  
  
announcement. "I'm, uh, I'm afraid there's been a change of plans.  
  
The-the wedding has been canceled. Thank you for coming, but - but  
  
I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you all to go home now."  
  
A great murmur of voices arises from the church. Buffy and Giles  
  
exchange a worried look, Anya sobs silently in the back, and Mr.  
  
Harris shoots out of his seat. "Damn loser of a son! He's gonna pay  
  
me back every cent I spent on this blasted tux!"  
  
Xander's not coming. I don't believe it. Is he okay? I pinch  
  
myself, trying to come back to reality. And though I feel the pain  
  
that pinch makes, and despite the hurt evident on Anya's pale face?  
  
This time, the hope and desire don't go away.  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
I just got done talking to Anya. She's in the process of moving  
  
out. Gonna stay at Giles' for awhile, I guess. The only thing I  
  
really know for certain is that it's over.  
  
I know I should be sobbing uncontrollably right now, trying to pick  
  
up the pieces of my broken heart. I mean, the beautiful woman who  
  
has never done anything but love me - she hates me now. Okay, well,  
  
maybe she doesn't hate me, but . . . I had to stop her from turning  
  
back into a vengeance demon. When I got to my place, she had already  
  
set up a spell to . . . I'm not gonna get into the gruesome details.  
  
Let's just say I wouldn't have ever been able to call myself a man  
  
again. The thing is, I could have lived with that. The one thing  
  
that hurts me more than anything is that she couldn't bring herself  
  
to do it. Though I hurt her so badly that all the light has gone out  
  
of her eyes, she loved me too much to go through with the spell. And  
  
I had to tell her that it was over. She understood, or, she said she  
  
did. I guess she's always known, but . . . well . . . when I saw  
  
that hurt in her eyes, and heard the tone of her voice? . . . I think  
  
a part of me died.  
  
That's only happened to me one other time in my life. That was the  
  
day Will caught me making out with Cordelia. My world was never the  
  
same again.  
  
The things is - though I know I lost a little piece of myself  
  
tonight? I lost a whole helluva lot more when my redheaded best bud  
  
walked out of my life on that cold January day when I broke her heart.  
  
But now I have a chance of getting that back.  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
I'm sitting on the couch, watching TV and trying not to think about  
  
what happened today. Okay, yeah, I know - it's called avoidance,  
  
but . . . I'm not really ready to deal with this yet. I mean, he  
  
didn't show up for his wedding. Okay. But that doesn't necessarily  
  
mean that . . . what am I thinking? Of course it doesn't mean that.  
  
He's made it perfectly clear that . . . And even if it DOES mean  
  
that? After everything he's put me through . . . And everything I've  
  
put him through . . . I mean, yeah, I guess we are kind of even,  
  
but . . . This whole "us" thing, well it's pretty much. . . I think I  
  
just failed at the whole "keeping my mind off of it" thing. Maybe I  
  
should switch the channel. Okay. When did they start showing Snoopy  
  
reruns at eleven o'clock at night? I switch the channel again. It's  
  
the Smurfs. Great. This isn't working. Maybe . . . oh, wait a  
  
minute. Someone's knocking on the door. Who could be coming over  
  
at . . .  
  
He's here.  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
Before I realize what's happening, I'm standing on her front porch  
  
and knocking on the door. How did I get here? I don't remember  
  
coming this way. I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, all those  
  
years when I didn't really want to come home? Her house always kinda  
  
beckoned to me. Like a lighthouse in a storm. The one safe place.  
  
My home.  
  
I hold my breath as someone answers the door.  
  
"Hey, Will."  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
We decided to take a walk. Okay, not really the smartest thing to do  
  
in Sunnydale. But I have a crucifix. Besides, I kind of needed to  
  
get out.  
  
"So . . ." I search for something to say. "Where were you today?"  
  
Why did it have to be that?  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
We've been walking along for the past five minutes in silence. I  
  
never knew how horrific silence can be. Finally, just as I think I'm  
  
gonna go crazy, she starts to talk.  
  
I suck in my breath. I don't remember her being so direct. But, I  
  
guess I should have expected it.  
  
Still, it takes me several minutes to reply. I mean, this is kind of  
  
it. The test. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life,  
  
or . . . "It's over," I finally say. "Between me and Anya. I - I  
  
couldn't do it, Will. I couldn't bring myself to lie in front of all  
  
my family and friends."  
  
**********************************************  
  
WILLOW  
  
My heart drops at the thought of how much Anya must be hurting right  
  
now. Because, despite how much we so do not get along, she's still a  
  
decent human being. I hate the thought of her hurting so much. And  
  
I know that should be enough to make me tell him to go away. That  
  
and, well, after everything he's put me through. Buffy. Cordelia.  
  
Faith. But I've put him though things, too. Plus, it's him.  
  
Xander. My Xander. The boy who's been there through every life  
  
changing moment . . . and more. Telling him to go away would be like  
  
telling my heart that I no longer need it. So, despite the fact that  
  
my head tells me what I'm doing is wrong, I decide to listen to my  
  
heart. Placing my fingers under his chin, I maneuver his head so  
  
that he's looking into my eyes. "Lies?" I question softly, hoping  
  
against hope that he'll say what I want to hear.  
  
**********************************************  
  
XANDER  
  
She places her hand under my chin and raises my head so I'm looking  
  
into her eyes. I had almost forgotten how beautiful those eyes  
  
were. Huge and green and shiny. I want nothing more but to fall  
  
into them. But I know it isn't time for that. I hope against hope  
  
that someday it will be.  
  
"Lie?" she whispers, prodding me to say more.  
  
I swallow as a swarm of butterflies take residence in my  
  
stomach. "Yeah," I nod. "I wouldn't have been telling the priest  
  
the truth." I pause, wondering if I should say more. In the end,  
  
however, those green eyes force me to continue. It's almost like, by  
  
looking into them, I'm seeing out entire life flash before me - past,  
  
present, and . . . future? They tell me that I'm doing the right  
  
thing. I lick my lips nervously. "I would have been saying the vows  
  
to the wrong person."  
  
"Xander?" she breathes, and I detect hope in her voice where before  
  
there had been doubt.  
  
"It's you, Willow Anne Rosenburg. I love you. I always have, and I  
  
always will."  
  
What I see next is the most beautiful site I've ever laid my eyes  
  
on. Her entire face lights up and her eyes grow bright with tears.  
  
She looks like an angel. "I love you, too, Xander," she whispers.  
  
It's all I need to hear. In one smooth movement, I've pressed my  
  
body up against hers, and our lips have met in a passionate, loving  
  
embrace.  
  
I know we still have a lot to talk about, and even more to work  
  
through. But for now, the world has fallen away.  
  
I am complete. 


End file.
